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'Too old To Tour' is a
Death-Ray to the face!

Eight mind-melting tracks about your slimy future that expose your not-so-distant RoboCop destiny. If you only take 10 albums into your fallout shelter this Summer, 'Too Old to Tour' should definitely be one of 'em. 

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Maggot House - Crypt Jerk [Album Art Track]
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Maggot House - Crypt Jerk [Album Art Track]

Another lowbrow track for low budget times, decoding the weirdest theme yet ... hoodlum grave-robbers. The new single 'Crypt Jerk’ is a haunting shaker with special guest vocals by the one & only Ann ßanana with a strange dance-punk hook, made with a beat-up synth. The second single from the spooky 'How to Talk to Extraterrestrials' EP due out Fri, Oct 13th. Listen to 'Crypt Jerk' on all streaming platforms. spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/3UO0sbHhAhsjE4gpExIMAI?si=fd9a25c3033a4f89 apple music: https://music.apple.com/us/album/crypt-jerk-single/1700934579 Songwriter: Maggot House Lyrics: I ain’t afraid of the dark Hungry as a shark Take it easy, kinda sleezy, get paid Good with my back Got a shovel and a sack Stranger danger is my middle name Here lies Ace Gonna party on his face Rise up! Dig my own grave Creep into the crypt Take what I can get Load it up! Sell it all on eBay Crypt Jerk! I’m a con, I’m a grift Work the graveyard shift Know a guy who's kinda sleezy, gets paid Just saw your mom Trash for the pawn Greased her up & left ‘er dead ass stained Here lies Kate It’s our first date Dig her up & weigh her brain Keys the crypt Take what I can get See you later alligator, doomsday Crypt Jerk! Don’t give a fuck Dig you up for a buck Ugly as sin Dying to get in Write ‘em off, rip ‘em off & get paid Sneak into the crypt Take what I can get Ash to cash, decayed payday Here lies Clyde Ain’t worth a dime Skull looks nice in my mancave Creep into the crypt Take what I can get Stock it up & sell it all on eBay Crypt Jerk!

'Too Old To Tour'' featuring eight mind-melting tracks about your slimy future!
 

‘Can’t Afford The Future’

No two ways about it, the future is fucked. Living on ramen noodles is a boring, boring life - and when you can’t afford Netflix anymore, shit gets real.

 

‘Dead or Alive’

NYPD have unveiled drones as first responders to shots fired in the coming months. Our RoboCop futures are not far away. ‘Brink of collapse 2043. Combat zone society.’ [Insert Death-Ray to the face sound here.]

 

‘Too Old To Tour’ 

Too young to die ... too old to tour. Too lazy to finish writing thi.... 

 

‘Heavy Metal Parking Lot’

Grew up a hesher through jr. high.And I’d be the Hit Parader of the parking lot if I could. If I could only find a zebra striped muscle tee today, and if I could only grow my hair out. Facts.

 

‘Yancy Street’ 

Ben Grimm me anytime. From the dirty streets of the LES, the Yancy Street Gang pranks are my favorite MARVEL running jokes. Keep Mine Kirby.

 

‘Gimme The Creeps’ 

Ever walk down a street and just wish for meteors to fall from the sky? Even been so bored you wished Leviathan would rise up out of that waterhole you are driving by? For invaders to finally invade? The daily grind is boring. I really had my fingers crossed for a zombie apocalypse when COVID came our way. ‘Gimme The Creeps’ is another track about loving the creeps & the freaks & the geeks, featuring plenty of low-budget, sci-fi obscurity.

 

‘Until I Die’ 

Take the oath. Be a Maggot. A slob until you die.

 

‘Neat City’

New York City is just as cool as you think it is! Really. It’s also totally worth the cost of living here. Gentrification is knocking down every door. Old neighborhoods exist no more. Mom & pop’s get priced out, but “I’m not the problem’’people shout.”

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